You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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