Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
