to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
