White coat. Heels.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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