I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
