Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
