I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
