i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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