he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
