My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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