I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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