what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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