My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
