All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
