I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
