So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
