My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
