His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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