It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
