Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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