I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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