A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
