weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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