It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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