If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
