Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
