My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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