she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
