My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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