i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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