yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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