My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
