Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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