im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
