ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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