I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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