I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
