next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
