My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so let's talk penis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
