if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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