I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish you could order shots online.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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