I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
