This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
