then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
