Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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