I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
