we made out on top of his cat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
