The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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