I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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