I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
