wrigley field is MILF paradise
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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