Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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