He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
