nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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