Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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