Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
