I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
