i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
