Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
