I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
