there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
