i already hear my dad disowning me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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