We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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